After reading a very long critique of someone else's style (or what I call a signature) and my praising another of their signature I've come to realize I don't have one. Or I have one and I do not see it. I spot trends in my artwork and the way that it's made. My biggest problem is I start at the end and edit into the finished product. I don't do sketches I don't do all the body work and what not.. I guess that's why so many are better than me.

I never learned how to do all that. Even writing papers I start with the end and edit into it. The biggest problem with that is lack of structure. You start from a sketch and go from there building up so that the picture can shape itself and morph into the finished product. My problem with that? Instant gratification. Screw the arduous hours of editting and re-editting when I can draw the general idea and then re-draw it. Egh... I will learn.

It came has a huge shock to me when I was at work. (That's all I do anymore is work.) My boss asked for an outline of my procedure to training support in the centre. He set up a meeting and said, "We'll talk more about this tomorrow." So there I was almost finished with the test when he came up to me (hours later) and asked what I was up to. I said, "Well I've finished the requirements needed to apply for the Support position and now I'm working on the test to certify the rep. I've got the numbers down for what's passing and failing and how to retake the test." He was astounded I had done so much work that he asked to see my outline for what else I had in mind (he was elated with my idea) I said, "A what?" He said, "You know. An outline. I want to know what you've put together so far as a means for the process. You've got a lot of it done already so I just want to know what else you have in store for this project." I said quietly, "It's... in my head..."

Apparently that's just how I work. People tell me I have great art but I'm still screwing up perceptions, proportions and what not. When I try to do what others do (blocks to sketch to basics to lines to colors to SCREW THIS DRAWING IT'S TAKING TO GODDAMN LONG) I feel like a failure. My picture either remains unfinished because of the ridiculous amount of time I've had to put myself through to just get a couple sketches done to the (un)finished product or I just give up halfway through.

This is so distressing.

However, I notice that with every sudden "AH HA!" moment I have comes a wave of this-is-the-best-thing-i've-ever-drawn artwork. Then I sit back and stare at it for months like I can never do it again.

Why am I so moody?